Posts Tagged ‘streaming’

24
Jan
2023

That only took me how many years now?

categories: computer gaming, personal; word count: 384 words

So far I’ve more or less rebranded everything of mine online to be related to Serah Farron from the Final Fantasy XIII trilogy, which I do not mind in the slightest… I like her the most, and it makes it that much easier for people to recognize me online (or to know that it is me). That doesn’t stop me from liking other characters — almost as much — anyway, but it makes everything of mine a lot simpler to manage. (My second choice Final Fantasy character would quite likely be Rinoa Heartilly, especially due to the sorcery lore that’s in Final Fantasy VIII.) I’ve also begun to make social networking accounts of mine professional for purposes of resuming content creation and streaming, although I’m not quite where I need to be before I resume posting most videos on YouTube. That platform is going to be treated differently than I treat my Twitch platform, which will probably always be the primary place that I stream. However, my goal has always been “be better than Onision”, and we all saw what happened to him after he was finally deplatformed by YouTube…

In the interim, I’ve continued to stay out of the Discord servers that I’ve mentioned no longer wanting to be part of even if I did “grow up” with some of these people. (Some of you may or may not be surprised at how many of these people I don’t remember, because my Internet experience as a child and adolescent fundamentally differed from many of theirs in pivotal ways… that, and I do not currently live in an environment where “Internet friends” are not seen as something other than jaded, so I was not as able to get close to these people like some of them got to each other being in more permissive and supportive environments. This isn’t something that I feel as though I regret, though.) For me this will be a long-term thing simply because I’m too old for, and no longer want to put up with, all of the drama. I’m fine without it.)

I’ve been invited to some of their newer servers, asked to come back to them, even asked to reconsider my stance “with the door left open in case I change my mind”, and have respectfully declined all invitations.

08
Sep
2022

None of this is actually a bad thing here.

categories: personal; word count: 535 words

Since we’re still in a pandemic, people seem to have this misconception about me that I’m going to continue to be as available online as I’ve been since the start of it… when that is not going to be the case. Like yeah, I’ll still be online (even if a lot of it is technically me idling in apps like Discord, leaving it open in case anyone wants to leave a message), but I’m not going to be online as much as I have been. And the only exception to letting myself idle on Discord as I’ve mentioned will be when I’m streaming, because I don’t need to have a whole bunch of notifications go off in the background — I’ll get to them when I get to them, but it won’t be while I’m actually streaming. I don’t see this as a bad thing, though. There’s always going to be a point at which I just don’t want to communicate any more with people than I’ve already been doing, or have been doing up until that point — this is one of the reasons why I’m reluctant to join voice chats on Discord and why, as I’ve said, “the Internet stays on the Internet”. And I know I’ve mentioned this in here, but I almost never actually meet up with people from the Internet. I would have to know you for a really long time first.

As I’ve mentioned, the last person that I met up with that I didn’t know in person, who was not from this area, was that guy that I had been in a long-distance relationship with. I know that I’ve mentioned it in here before, but I had absolutely no idea that he and his mother were doing the things I’ve written about, let alone capable of. No one that I knew had any idea, either. It actually surprised a lot of the people that I knew in person who knew that I had been in this relationship to be told that not only did I have to report his mother to the state, but I also had to aid in the report that someone else would be making to the state as well (the narcotics theft, as I had informed the sister of the person that he had been “acquiring” these from, and all I could do was provide her family with the information that I did). These things were supposed to be “secrets”, I guess, kept “in the family”… but I didn’t feel comfortable with that level of deception, and I didn’t want to be in a relationship with or even around people like this. I did what I had to do turning both of them in for them.

The fact that this even happened — as in, that these people were actually capable of these things, as no one would ever even have begun to suspect it had they not already been made aware of them — was actually enough to sour people that I knew in real life from “meeting people off (of) the Internet, because you would never know if these people were who they really said they were”… and I mean, I can’t blame them for that.

03
Sep
2022

Tracking says I need to write another banger.

categories: personal; word count: 646 words

Although I don’t regret reconnecting with several of the people that I grew up with, I do regret letting some of these people invite me to countless Discord servers (I’ve left all but one of them, and it’s going to stay that way) because the only reason I’ve been online as much as I have — or as much as I’ve appeared to be, anyway — has been due to the pandemic and the fact that, being at higher risk of complications from COVID-19 and monkeypox should I catch either, I’ve continued to quarantine to the extent I have been able. When COVID-19 becomes endemic and I don’t have to worry about catching it from people, least of all the science deniers that populate this state at the percentages that they do, I’m going to be online a lot less… and I’m going to be harder to get a hold of, let alone stay in contact with. The computer will remain on for streaming purposes so that I can game, stream, and connect with those who any combination of those things, but when I’m not doing something relating to one of those three things, I’m going to be enjoying getting back to various real-life activities that I’ve had to put on the back burner or miss doing for how long?

This is how I’ve been for at least twelve years now, so although I’m going to make sure that the people I want to stay in contact with me are able to reach me, as the saying goes: I’m too old for this shit (this shit, of course, being the drama that I do not want to participate in at the ripe old age of thirty-six), and I do not want to participate in it. I do not want to be involved in it. I do not want to watch from the sidelines, not even with popcorn. No, you can’t bribe me with extra buttery popcorn. It is what it is in the regard that I do not have the patience for… this kind of thing any more, and my propensity to mouth off in response to it has only grown until it is an assured thing that I will mouth off in response to it, and society already does not like strong, independent, assertive women. If we are friends on social media, following each other on social media, or have friended each other on Discord and you are reading this, I’d love to keep in touch with you to the extent that real life allows me to, especially after these pandemics (look kids, we’re in two of them now) finally end! If we’re still in any of the same Discord servers, the same principle applies, unless you already know that I don’t want anything to do with you because I’ve already blocked you and we just happen to share one Discord server in common. (I didn’t want to leave an out for anyone reading who could have exploited the “we share one Discord server, I’m going to use that as an excuse to bother her” type of thing.)

Let it be known though that it took twelve years for any of these people to find me because I did not want to be found by the majority of them wanting to stay out of… well, all of the drama, and I’ve decided to take that approach again because age has made some of these people older but not any wiser. I’m getting better at doing what my therapist wants me to do, probably wanted me to have started doing much sooner than I actually started doing it: excising myself from situations that I did not want to be in and not feeling as though I had to give “enough of a reason” for me doing so. “I am too old for this shit” is now the reason.

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