Posts Tagged ‘life’

This came up on my TimeHop today, so…

This is the last picture that I took of Bub and my mom while she was still alive, and this was the closest that he would come to her. He had no problem playing on the bed before she was brought home from the hospital, and he had no problem playing on it after she was… removed from the house by the funeral home after she died. The fact that he wouldn’t come close to her (and didn’t want much of anything to do with her even on FaceTime chats when she was hospitalized, monitored by me since after the point that I mentioned in entries chronicling what she did, I severely limited their interactions for his sake) spoke volumes to everyone who saw that picture and knew the circumstances in which it was taken. For the most part, I’ve forgotten about her— what she looked like, especially what hair, what she sounded like, and bar the last six months of her life and what caused me to want to forget everything about her, what she was like. Effective tomorrow, marking the fact that she’s been gone for a year, I’m going to make it a point to actively forget as much about her as humanly possible, which is exactly what I want to do. There is no positive to “outweigh”.

Tell me that he doesn’t know how she felt about him, and that he couldn’t put the pieces together.

Just look at his face here in this picture. “He didn’t understand” my ass. He understood every bit perfectly.

Since I have the chance to post before bed…

I would be gaming more if I didn’t have… well, migraines. But the good news is that I see my neurologist at the end of the month to get refills on the medications of mine that need refills, and I tell him which medications of mine are no longer therapeutic and no longer work in the hopes that my medication regimen can be altered to make them more therapeutic. I already know that for reasons that I will be mentioning in this blog later, as soon as we can have it ordered and insurance approves it, I will be wearing an ambulatory EEG — my goal is to wear it “until we catch what we need to catch”, so I’m hoping that insurance actually lets me do that. I’ve never done an ambulatory EEG, and what we need to come up I don’t want to have hide.

I’m hoping that the pandemic doesn’t stall insurance approval of that request, and that my new Medicaid HMO actually approves that request. There’s also the possibility of having another CT scan done with contrast, which my neurologist had been wanting my old Medicaid HMO to do for awhile that they kept arbitrarily denying for the most asinine of reasons even though the first CT scan that was done under my first neurologist actually found something that she (and now, my new neurologist, since she decided not to come back to work after maternity leave) wanted to follow up with… I mean, if the initial CT scan actually found something one might think that insurance would approve a CT scan with contrast to find out more about it, and quite possibly subsequent scans to follow it, but my old Medicaid HMO was arbitrarily denying all subsequent requests for more than the initial scan, which was just absurd. So I guess we will see how this goes if my current neurologist decides to put in a request for another scan, assuming he didn’t give up there.

In the interim, I have noticed that we are actually running low in space on our microSD card, although I don’t want to take that out because our Animal Crossing game is on that and I don’t want to run the risk of corrupting our save data given that we have gotten fairly far in that game. I have heard horror stories…

Branching off from Hexennacht: moving forward.

In case you need to know what Satanic Panic is: here
In case you need to know what Hexennacht is: here

One of the things that I wanted to take the time to touch on, as someone who gradually “came out” in her blog as a Satanist (affiliated with The Satanic Temple, at that), is that even though we may have, comparatively speaking, made strides toward being more safely and easily being able to declare our religious affiliations in some places — or lack thereof, depending on how you want to word them — it can still be dangerous to “out” yourself as a religion that is not the majority religion, especially under the Trump Administration (and especially if it becomes clear through whatever means that you are LBGT, or as I have sometimes worded it, “not an able-bodied, white-passing man”). Outing yourself as a Satanist is perhaps the diciest of all, and it can potentially have repercussions in child custody cases and job applications if it is revealed in the former or disclosed in the latter. One word of advice, though: you do not have to disclose your religious affiliation on a job application, even if the interviewer asks… and for them to “require” that is illegal.

However, plenty of divorced or separated parents — and I mean plenty — have fought over the most banal of religious issues as they pertain to their child or children, so for one parent to be outed as a Satanist, or volunteer the information that they are one, is pretty much analogous to throwing a hand grenade into the proceedings if you ask me… at least assuming that both parents are active participants in their children’s lives and are litigating with the intent to be able to have an equal say in the upbringing of said children’s lives. Sometimes it is actually court-ordered that one parent is to be the parent that has “final decision-making say” in the religious instruction of the children (or, conversely, if this becomes something that it is clear that the parents will never agree on, that both parents are forbidden from making their children “active, registered participants” in their religious denomination… which basically means that they can not baptize them or enroll them). However, for one parent to be the individual that is granted that final decision-making say is only generally done when the child (or children) have had a history of being brought up in that religion so that they can continue to be brought up in it to give them the continued regularity of that religion’s influence, especially when their lives will be shifted with the divorce or separation of their parents. Unless, of course, it’s Satanism. And then it’s, like I’ve said, like throwing a really judgmental hand grenade into the proceedings nearly all of the time because of nearly everyone’s misconceptions as to what Satanism entails.

And yet perhaps it is the most ironic of all that Satanists are generally the least judgmental and pushy.

Why are there no good games to pre-order now?

I’ve pre-ordered everything that I want to pre-order Bub, especially for his birthday.

Looking for some games to “top off” what I’ve already pre-ordered, I can’t find anything additional to get him that he would like, which is just ironic. And in the interim, I’ve been blocked from posting or commenting to Facebook for a week (which technically started a few days ago) because someone weaponized Facebook’s reporting algorithm and had his friends report comments of mine because they did not like what I had to say during discussion on his Facebook wall. This is actually something that I do not like on Facebook, how it seems like Christian or Republican white men can “game” the algorithm to silence their dissidents, but you can never report them back for valid reasons. It bothers me that sometimes they can say the most profane, worst things, and “it is never a violation of Community Rules/Standards”, but I can simply call someone a stupid Christian man and that’s suddenly an automatic violation of the rule against “hate speech”. Alright.

IRS, your ableism. It is really showing here now.

We continue not to have gotten our economic stimulus payment (“Corona check”), or… whatever people are calling it. The “non-filers”, or people who normally don’t have to file taxes, haven’t even been gotten to yet, and it is really showing. The fact that you can’t even call these people to inquire about the status of your payment, or even your eligibility (since the “Get My Payment” tool is not working as well as it should for most people) is appalling for something that should have begun to roll out without this many hitches in the middle of April. There are things that I had begun to plan to buy with that money that I can’t buy with that money until, well, I have it in my hand (or my bank account), and being far from the only one that has not received their stimulus payment or any word on when they might get it is even more appalling. But the IRS can continue to post about this on their Facebook and Twitter accounts, which makes the whole thing absurd.

This is all I keep getting right now, and it’s frustrating. I filled out the non-filer form on the tenth. Jesus Christ.

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