Okay, so after coming to the conclusion that one game in particular from Epic was taking up… nearly all of the free space that we had left on our PC’s hard drive, and that continuing to download every free game that we qualified for would put us on an unsustainable path with a hard drive that was one terabyte large, I decided to uninstall all of the Epic games that we are not actively playing even though I will continue to “qualify” for all of the free games that they release each week and grow our library that way so that I can download them at our leisure when we do want to play them… that way, they will be there and ready, but our hard drive won’t eventually completely fill up. That seems to be the best way to work around this for now, especially given that Epic games seem to be larger than any other PC(/Mac) game’s (developer? manufacturer? releaser?) that I’ve encountered so far. And to think that I honestly thought that a one terabyte hard drive was large… at least until that happened, you know? And maybe it is. Maybe to have a proper “gaming rig” though, you need something even larger than that. That honestly just blows my mind.

At any rate, we finally have (almost) everything that I can think of for Baby’s First Altar. Bub is continuing to be monitored around it because he’s taken to not leaving things alone when I want, or need, him to leave them alone. We’re working on that. It’s coming along, bit by bit. And weirdly enough, one or two people every now and again have asked me if I’ve ever regretted opening my mouth to Bub’s father’s family about my lack of belief in a higher power, not going along to get along, not keeping my mouth shut about how I really felt about them and their beliefs, and… no. I don’t regret a single thing. Because if we did get married, our marriage would have been incredibly short-lived (and invalid in the eyes of his church because I wouldn’t have been open to life, let alone “willing to be faithful” since I did not want to be monogamous and had made that clear to him). Also worth noting: my own family members were actually unwilling to come to my own wedding if I had one, and pretty much saw the writing on the wall for exactly what it was there. They were more willing to support the fact that it would be a short-lived marriage. Especially my own mother.

None of my own friends (bar the friends that, at the time, were our own mutual friends) were willing to come.

That should have said something right there about the level of avoidance people close to me would’ve had.

One of the things that I did with my economic stimulus payment is go ahead and get myself a pair of prescription sunglasses made that I intend on keeping the frames of for as long as these frames are willing to last me… so basically, for as long as possible. These should help with my migraines, because at the very least they will give me the option of being able to put them on and still see whenever things get too bright for me (and let’s face it, having that option is always comfortable whenever I’m having a migraine). Before, it was either “put on my sunglasses and not be able to see because my vision really is that bad without my glasses” or “keep my glasses on and suffer because of the brightness of everything else”. I also got the kids some more books, another Lokai cause bracelet that had come out that Monster didn’t already have, and after reading Shiva Honey’s The Devil’s Tome, decided to make what I have affectionately begun to call “Baby’s First Altar” in my room since I got a The Satanic Temple flag, hung it up, and Bub has been intrigued in a good way by it ever since. You can’t make this kid like what he doesn’t like, which he inherited from me.

I think all I have to do is quote this part of the summary of The Devil’s Tome:

The Devil’s Tome: A Book of Modern Satanic Ritual explores non-theistic Satanic ritual as a means for healing, empowerment, and community building.

I always take small steps, especially when it comes to the kids. Why not start with just an altar?

Nice candles (that we will not be burning for now, because reasons… Bub), to include tealight, a small grimoire (“Baby’s First Grimoire”, even if baby now comes up to my chin), chakra stones, because they look nice, a chakra grid kit, crystal grid kit, and Metatron’s grid kit (since if Bub is having a meltdown, laying them out and naming them might help calm him down, and they are geometrically pleasing), some stones (this can be educational, and the same principle applies), and incense (that we will quite likely not actually light even though I have a few N95 respirator masks due to this pandemic, but it will still set the overall mood)…

And like I’ve said, Bub doesn’t do anything that Bub himself doesn’t want to do. There have been plenty of occasions where Bub hasn’t wanted to do something that I’ve wanted to do. Any interest that Bub conveys in something is organic. He has never been the kind of kid to convey interest in something because someone else has or is, which is actually something that I have fostered in him (and his brother) over the years. He just happens to be the considerably more stubborn child, which has made for “if I am interested in something, it is because I personally want to do this, not because anyone else wants me to do it or is making me do this”.