Posts Tagged ‘life’

The contents of my purse, elaborated upon.

You can’t see it because it’s in my purse and I didn’t think to take it out before I took the picture, but I also have a Doctor Who wallet. It has various forms of ID for us, insurance cards and what have you… and it has my membership card for The Satanic Temple as well as my organ donation cards, which are actually so old and have been carried for so long by me that I’m going to have to tape them up at some point to continue to hold them together. As the younger generation likes to say, I’m that committed. My library card’s in there too.

Outside of my purse, there is my necklace from The Satanic Temple, which Bub likes to fixate on for some reason. I’ve taken to keeping it in my purse because that is the one place that he will not try to steal it from if he sees it somewhere in my room… why he does that, I’m still not sure. I keep an inhaler in my purse separate from the inhaler that I keep around the house so that I am never without an inhaler should I need one when I am not home, and to the right of my inhaler is my Subtl Beauty cosmetics stack. Below that is the N95 bivalve face mask that I’ve had for awhile… one of them, at least. I take the face mask out of my purse before I leave the house to remind myself to wear it, and I put the face mask back into my purse when I am back home so that I am never in a position where I need to wear a mask and do not have one. Not pictured in this picture is my Subtl Beauty brush. I’m falling in love with makeup that you can (re-)apply when out traveling.

On the outside of my purse is my Black Lives Matter enamel pin and a she/her pronoun badge, which my non-binary and trans friends actually encouraged me to get and put on my purse as an ally when I wondered whether it would be “too much of a reach” to show allyship in this manner. When I asked some of my friends if it would be appropriate to show allyship in this manner, the answer was overwhelmingly yes.

In case you’re not playing the at-home game…

The school district that I live in did not plan out how many Internet hotspots and laptops to get students in need, even though parents (or guardians) needed to fill out three forms expressing interest in one or both of them, and that counted actually showing up to their child’s school to fill out an additional form. Because of this, and the fact that some students were not able to complete assignments because they did not have one or both of these items, the district decided to open their doors a week earlier than they had originally intended to for those who wanted to send their students back to school for in-person instruction. The superintendent here has practically been chomping at the bit to fling the school doors back open and resume instruction, and he’s actually had to be prevented from doing so by executive order from the governor and order from a judge within days of planning to do so. Needless to say, I do not trust this district or the decisions that they make about children at all because they have made it abundantly clear that their primary motivation is securing federal funding by having their doors open, even — especially — during a global pandemic that has claimed the lives that it has. The district says that interested parents can continue to have their child participate in virtual learning if they want, but that doesn’t make the whole thing any better.

The fact that they are, and have been, desperate to fling their doors open during a global pandemic is what bothers me about all of this. This is how desperate this district is about securing access to federal funds…

And this is how desperate this country is as a whole to “get kids back to school” and “get back to work”.

They want you to die so they don’t have to pay.

Soon, I will have a hearing with an administrative law judge to see if I can get approved for disability benefits… again. I’ve been told by friends of mine who are more familiar with the process (yes, the process) that the best thing to do is to put in applications, and advance them to hearings, until I am eventually approved, because Social Security wants people to give up and stop applying for benefits even though they are disabled and should not have to fight as hard as many of them do to receive benefits that they are otherwise entitled to. To make it easier on myself, I’ve begun to keep notes on my computer to remind myself of things that I want to say at my hearing even though it will be over the phone due to this pandemic. This is the same judge who has already denied me once when I put in an application for disability with my asthma as my primary disabling diagnosis… now, at the advice of my second neurologist, I’ve put in an application with chronic, intractable migraine disorder as my primary disabling diagnosis. If she remembers me, which she may, she will probably find some reason to deny me. I’m willing to play the game of putting in applications until I am eventually approved, as one of my friends’ mothers had to advance applications to a hearing four separate times to get them approved for disability benefits when they were a child on something that should not even have had to go to a hearing… that was how obvious this disabling impairment should have been to Social Security when their mother applied for them, but I digress. Seriously.

Another one of my friends said that they “deny, deny, deny” hoping that you pass away for people whose disabling conditions run the risk of death so that they do not have to pay out on any benefits. And I mean, I can get behind the deny, deny, deny part since that’s been what has been happening to me right now. I’ve been getting contradictory reasons for denial on my migraine diagnosis alone. Personally, I’m still trying to figure out how someone with between fifteen and twenty “migraine days” (yes, days) lasting between four and twelve hours who can’t even engage in hobbies that she wants to engage in to the extent that she wants to engage in them in can work, but whatever. Maybe if I keep putting in applications they’ll get it…

“You’re intelligent, so you can adapt to work”.

· I have between fifteen and twenty days of migraine activity per month on average
· a lot of this has to do with how aggressively I avoid triggers, or how aggressively I can
· many of these come with nausea, which has to be worked around because… well, nausea
· wearing sunglasses when indoors does help, but this limits my vision as a result of doing so
· even being adherent to various maintenance medications, I still have at least fifteen “migraine days”

But yes. Anyone who thinks that I can “adapt to work” in spite of the migraines alone are deluding themselves. There are still people out there that actually think that I can hold down any “normal” job with the frequency and severity of migraines that I have when I can’t even indulge in video games on my off time to the extent that I would like. I have to meticulously plan out doing so around my already existing “migraine schedule” and the amount of medication that I have available to give myself at any one time, and I can not play for extended periods of time. If this is affecting what is probably my favorite hobby at this point, it is bound to affect my ability to find and keep a job. It still blows my mind that some people refuse to see this.

If I can find a job that I can do that “pays all of the bills”, I’d seriously jump on that in a second though…

1 106 107 108 109 110 141