Posts Tagged ‘life’

30
Jan
2021

My history with depression to diagnosis.

categories: personal; word count: 423 words

To delineate before I get further into this, I did not experience postpartum depression with either pregnancy.

It can be safe to say that my body did not, and does not, like even the idea of being pregnant… and although I would not trade either of my sons for the world, my body’s abhorrence at pregnancy goes beyond the normal difficulties that someone who is or can get pregnant might face. In my case, depression was more subtle and did manage to sneak up on me before I knew for a fact that it was actually depression. After my youngest son’s birth, I found myself participating less in activities that I normally would, such as hobbies and interests. This was even when I could do so or would have had the time to do so. I kept making excuses about how busy I was, having two young children and all, but my difficulty engaging in these hobbies and interests even after both boys had gone to bed for the night continued to grow in intensity until I was nearly always making excuses not to do the things that I formerly enjoyed and had quite a long history of liking.

This was the primary symptom for me, as well as not really having any “high moods” to speak of.

When my old neurologist put me on 20mg nortryptline to see if that would help with my migraines, it had a positive effect on my anxiety levels and my mood. I made an appointment to be seen by my primary care physician to discuss this with him and have him rave him raise the dose, which he did to 50mg and then at my request to 100mg. I will actually be trying the 100mg the next time I can fill for this med. Taking this medication, I’ve been less anxious, and my moods have generally been markedly more positive than they were rather than “flat”. In addition, I have been able to sleep better than I was. I’ve also begun to want to resume participation in hobbies and interests of mine, particularly once the kids are in bed for the night and I can have some “me time”. I don’t see a problem with depression or being candid about it, and I do wish that there weren’t this stigma around mood disorders or accessing care for them. In the United States alone, it’s still an extremely bad thing in certain circles (“you can just tough it out, you should just tough it out”, so on).

28
Jan
2021

Well, that didn’t work out quite as intended…

categories: side scrollers; word count: 234 words

Apparently suddenly going “no poo” (no shampoo) was too much for my hair all at once, so now I am attempting to come to the same end by washing my hair with it less and less frequently. I’ve read that this can be helpful for individuals who produce a lot of oil or sebum on their scalp, and it would seem that I am one of those people when I suddenly stop washing my hair with shampoo. I still have the same end goal.

In my spare time, though, I’ve been playing Among Us. As it turns out, I am a great crewmate because I’ve memorized the map that I play the most on and can easily run in a circle around the map completing the tasks that I am assigned. And I wouldn’t say that I was the worst Impostor in the world although I know that there is definitely room for improvement. So far, in the games where I have been an Impostor and there is more than one, my fellow Impostor gets voted out fairly early in the game and I’m stuck trying to isolate players to kill them all on my own. All things considered though, it is a catchy game and I like it a whole lot.

Bub also likes playing it with me a lot of the time although I’m the “hands on deck”, which is a plus.

26
Jan
2021

They can’t be bothered by commoners.

categories: personal; word count: 257 words

In news that should surprise no one at this point, I have not heard back anything from Twitter about the suspension of my account that occurred just before Halloween. They sent me one automated e-mail asking me if I wanted to continue to pursue the appeal, and I indicated that I did. Aside from that, I have heard absolutely nothing from them, and that account has not been reinstated. I’ve talked about it to friends who have had that happen to them as well. Some of them have actually gotten responses back from Twitter claiming to uphold the suspension, and other friends of mine haven’t even gotten the dignity of Twitter responding to them regarding the appeal. They just ignore it and never answer it. That said, I can see why people circumvent what are unfair suspensions, especially when Twitter themselves can’t be bothered to respond to the appeal that the account owner initiated. Friends of mine who have done this have used a different e-mail address to sign up for a new account, and they definitely use a different phone number since it seems like Twitter tracks suspensions by the phone number that is on file with the account. If Twitter wouldn’t suspend users over the most arcane, barbaric reasons, and if they could actually be bothered to respond to account suspension appeals from their castle in the sky, people wouldn’t actually have to do this.

It does stand as proof that if you engage in any form of leftist advocacy, social networking sites punish that.

23
Jan
2021

These things should surprise, well, no one.

categories: personal; word count: 285 words

I managed to get the key that I mentioned in an earlier post working with some tape.

It’s not the best possible fix in the world, but under circumstances it will do until it can be repaired.

Right now, I know that the two most likely “contenders” for repairing it are to buy an individual key or to buy a new keyboard and have someone who knows a lot more about that sort of thing be the one to install the new keyboard onto… well, this computer. And in other news, my neurologist’s response to finding out that I consulted with the local pain management center here and was taken on as a patient was to passively-aggressively chart in my patient file. There was a reason why I chose to transfer that care, she is that reason, and my care will be completely transferred. I’ve actually stopped taking the medications that she prescribed, weaning off of them where appropriate, and in a twist that should surprise absolutely no one who might be reading this… nothing that she had prescribed me curtailed my migraines even modestly. There was still the whole quality of life issue to be had if I had remained under her care, taking medications that did not bring me more than slight relief, not being listened to when I vocalized these sentiments. At least the local pain management clinic listens to me and prescribed me Fioricet because that medication works…

As mentioned in previous posts here, I shouldn’t have to keep asking to be allowed to be in less pain. I shouldn’t be having to settle for pain to begin with or “learning to live with it”. No. I’m in my mid-thirties here.

21
Jan
2021

None of this should surprise me, but…

categories: personal; word count: 272 words

I am continuing to wash my hair with water as necessary, having decided to eschew traditional shampoos and conditioners so that my hair can remain as bright as it initially was when I first dyed it… and because shampoos strip one’s hair of the natural protection that oils and sebum gives it, just to turn around and attempt to put some kind of protection right back on it with conditioner. I have found that frequently brushing one’s hair really helps make sure that the scalp’s oils are spread down the entire length of it, and I’ve also discovered that my hair is wavier than even I had first estimated, presumably because it is also soft and regular shampooing was damaging the natural waves because it was making it to where my hair had more of a difficult time holding a wave. Now granted, my hair has never been able to pass for straight, but this actually surprised me more than I thought it would. And at the same time… it didn’t surprise me at all.

I am now doing pulmonary function tests every six months since I am “stable”. As in, the severity of my asthma isn’t expected to change such that more frequent visits are warranted. These visits include the six-minute walk each time that I do them, although it’s a bit cramped on the third floor of the building that my pulmonologist now works in. But we make do, and my doctor gets the numbers that he wants from me…

I may also ask my primary care doctor (physician) to raise my dose of nortryptline from 50mg to 100mg, too.

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