January 2021 archive

05
Jan
2021

Why are subjects so hard to come up with?

categories: books, personal; word count: 286 words

At some point, I’m going to be replacing this computer sooner than later. I have my eye on one that has roughly the same specs (specifications) as this one, and I can just take my 16GB DDR4 RAM out of this one and put it into this computer. It’s also… smaller than this computer is, but I think a lot of the newer computers are being made to be smaller than their counterparts, and that doesn’t bother me any. Sometimes the fan runs just fine in this, or nearly fine, and other times I can hear the fan spinning from across the room even though I’ve used compressed air on it more than once. I wish this computer wouldn’t be on its way out, which it kind of is by the sound of things, because that would save me money. I already got a slightly newer Kindle for Christmas because my old Kindle Keyboard, complete with 3G, was lagging badly or just plain freezing to the point where it had to be put in standby mode or restarted numerous times to do anything…

Meanwhile, I’m reading The Adventurous Eaters Club by Misha Collins and his wife. First of all, it’s Misha Collins, the actor who played Castiel in Supernatural. Secondly, it might give me some tips and tricks that I can use to make mealtime fun and more palatable for my two children than it already is, even though both of them are autistic. One day in the future I might just write my own book on that though. It’s a thought here.

At the end of the day, these books can help a bit, but autistic kids tend not to eat like neurotypical kids do.

04
Jan
2021

Music Monday: January 4th, 2021

categories: music; word count: 43 words

This is “Anything But Ordinary” by Avril Lavigne, and I used to bump Let’s Go while I was in high school like absolutely nobody’s business. Truth be told, I like all of her music… even the really old stuff. This is just me.

03
Jan
2021

I don’t think I’ve actually addressed this here.

categories: personal; word count: 235 words

Even though I… don’t believe in the existence of an afterlife, in the extremely small likelihood that I am wrong in that department (and this isn’t me holding out false hope as much as it is me “covering my bases”), I’ve joked to people and told them that I don’t want my mother to even recognize me. So far, to that end, I’ve actually done several things that I hope will cause my mother not to recognize me if there indeed is an afterlife or the capacity for one to be a ghost for any reason. They are all things that I would have done at some point in the future though, but doing them now is for a special reason. So far, I’ve done the following:

· gotten cyberlox for my hair since I’ve wanted to own, and wear, them for years
· dyed my hair another color, which I stopped doing when Bub was young for… some reason
· gotten rid of some of the clothes in my closet that I knew I would never wear again
· researched Satanism, outed myself as safely as I could as a Satanist, and began living my life like one

These are all things that are tangentially related to not wanting her to recognize me in any capacity.

So far, I think I’m doing good in that department. I’m going to love doing even more things in the new year.

02
Jan
2021

It was almost cathartic for me to do this.

categories: personal; word count: 341 words

When I was cleaning out my closet — see the entries referencing that if you would like — I noticed that I had a lot of clothing from my old two-year college. Since I wanted to make room in my closet and knew that I would never wear those articles of clothing again in spite of how well they may (or may not) have fit me, I decided to throw every single last one of them in the trash. I don’t have any good memories of actually attending that college even though I got a two-year degree from them. So it was cathartic in a way to get rid of those clothes knowing that I would never wear them again, especially given… where… they came from. I’m only in loose contact with one person that attended that college with me although we don’t really talk that much, but I haven’t kept in touch with the rest of the people that I attended with, and for very good reason…

But now that my closet is a lot easier to manage, I’m also thinking of throwing away the clothes that my (now late) mother got me as soon as I can find the time to do so and replace them with better clothes. Sure, they still fit me, so not much has changed in that department. However, they are not items of clothing that I would actually comfortably wear. It was like she was dressing for the version of a child that she did not have and would never exist, and as soon as I got to that section in my closet I could see it for myself. These were just things that I would never wear unless I literally and seriously did not have any other clothes to wear. She must have had it in her mind that I was someone who did not and would not exist, and that’s fine with me because she’s been gone since mid-2019. I don’t miss her, and I don’t think about her very often at all now.

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