June 2020 archive

A lot of things all in one post here, I guess.

Through slightly more careful observation, I’m speculating that the “first cousins” on my Ancestry matches page may be my mother’s (half-)sisters. Neither of them have responded to my messages, so it is what it is… for now. They may or may not know that she exists, or existed, if that is the case. Her father was never really in her life to begin with and actively avoided supporting her, although if I remember correctly my late grandmother had one picture of siblings that she had through him, and my mother told me that he died in the mid-nineties. But I have been talking to a more distant cousin of mine on Ancestry, and she dislikes organized theistic religion as much as I do, which is great. I intend on sending her a friends request on Facebook once I can, once I am done with this most recent post block and comment block. (And ironically, for Mark Zuckerberg kissing Trump’s ass not being willing to take a harder line against the shit he says on social media, a lot of people are quitting Facebook, which I think is good. Maybe Facebook will stop being popular.)

And since I’ve joined so many Discord servers, I’ve actually left some of the ones that I didn’t chat as much in to cut down on the amount of ones that I am a member of, because I couldn’t juggle all of them at once. It was (and is) nothing personal to the ones that I did quit! It’s just that I can’t juggle being in so many servers.

This is me getting blocked by a state bishop.

I think it might have been around the part where I mentioned that I was happy and relieved not to have to attend Mass with my ex’s family any more (it’s been almost a full decade now), and that when his family was literally forcing me to attend church functions with them that I was literally telling him that I did not want to go to, I was bringing my PSP with me and playing it on silent in the arm of my sweater when I was not caring for our child, ignoring everything that was going on the entire time to the point that I had to Google what actually goes on in Mass a decade later. I was “immersed” in Catholicism. I went to Masses with his family and various church functions and get-togethers (that I did not want to attend either). It didn’t make me believe in God or “see” that his church was “the one true religion” in any way, shape or form. I felt apathy toward attending, was bored at the idea of it bar the fact that I played video games to relieve that boredom and tune out what was going on around me, and was incensed and irate that I had to attend these things that I saw no point in attending since I was never voluntarily converting or following the doctrine of.

And I was right. I never did convert, none of us did, and we’re still not following the doctrine today. So…

It all seems to be a matter of control here…

It always seems to impress (Christian, religious) apologists whenever someone who was formerly atheist, or non-religious, converts to their religion, but it always seems to anger them, or incense them, when someone refuses “the call to conversion”, does not want to convert “in the face of evidence”, or turns from being someone that was particularly religious to someone that is no longer religious. I’ve become equal parts amused and worried by that as the years have gone on, although I would have to say that the “worried” part of it comes along more when it is men in positions of power exhibiting anger or feelings of incense or ire. It’s like their playbook, or rule book, doesn’t have a section in it for these kind of people — the “feel-good people” that “find God” or who “see the evidence before them”. And a lot of them actually say that “God has a plan for everyone,” and that “God will eventually call you to (church of their choice)”, so these are the very same kind of people who get angry when you continually reject their “call to conversion”, do not convert to the religion of their choice and… don’t come back to convert to their religion. They get even angrier when you speak out against it and do advocacy against the religion in question, or in my case, organized theistic religion as a whole. Maybe that’s why me finding Satanism when I did happened when it did. That’s not bad.

I can get behind the George Floyd protests, and even the riots, even though as a parent to two children who would be devastated if something happened to me I am neither actively protesting nor rioting (at least two people have actually lost eyes in these protests/riots alone, one being a journalist, and that’s frightening to simply type out… like, who thinks it’s a good idea to shoot someone’s eye out during one of these?!). I think I would make a good medic, though. Seriously. Police men need to stop killing black men. I hope to see these protests and these riots change the face of that, and for black men to stop dying at the hands of police men.

Especially in this country. Where it seems to be the only major problem, along with… oh, lack of gun control.

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