the blog of a disabled mother who likes to game, and "get in the pit"
This is a picture of me gaming one morning before the kids woke up. I may look a bit puffy from residual prednisone usage (and edema caused by… other things), but all things considered it’s still a nice picture.
Someone made what I am currently imagining to be one of the worst comments I have ever seen on a public Facebook page, stating that women “had responsibility” to prevent pregnancies “by keeping their legs closed”, calling those who got pregnant and chose to continue the pregnancy whores that only did it for means-tested government benefits that pregnancy and having a child would permit them to have. Needless to say, in addition to reporting the comment itself to Facebook for hate speech, I also found the man’s employer because he had all of that information publicly available on his Facebook page. I contacted them with the unredacted screenshot, asking them if they knew how someone was representing their company on his off time. Once they asked me how I came across this comment and found out where he worked — all information that I was happy to provide given the circumstances — they thanked me, and they got back to me a day later telling me that his job’s HR (human relations) department and his manager would be speaking to him about the comment in question. Some time after this, he deleted the comment from Facebook as though that would somehow make it to where he had never even made it in the first place.
But screenshots live forever. They are well aware of what they said to the tune of wanting to talk to him.
Not too long ago, someone decided to go through my Tweets on Twitter (why do you do this to people you claim not to like? I only read what you have to say because you insist on mercilessly doing it to my friends, screenshotting everything they say that you may not like… I’m surprised no one really turned the tables sooner) and feign offense to me making reference to being autistic. Professionals in the field have repeatedly stressed that self-diagnosis — or in my case, diagnosis by way of Internet and many autistic adults repeatedly telling me that they are sure I am autistic — is valid, because there are many barriers to adult diagnosis and diagnosis in general that might make it so someone never formally pursues a diagnosis. In my case, I feel that I don’t need additional accommodations or supports for being autistic that I can’t already give myself, and I do not reject the opinions of the many autistic adults that I have spoken with over the years that have told me that they see me as being autistic as well. This has been something that has gone on for years, which the person who feigned offense at one particular mention of it on my timeline would have known if they had gone through more of it, but I digress. Growing up, my mother — my primary caregiver because of the sort of work my dad did — was repeatedly told that I was neurodivergent, but among many other things, she refused to permit it to be worked up. Were it not for the fact that she literally neglected me as a child (I was fed and clothed, but not much else), I would have been formally diagnosed.
I find it amusing that when things these people — members of the Supernatural fandom, which is why all of this stays online — take alleged offense at (“she drugs her kids”, referenced in the post that I made about Bub’s medication regimen recommended by the whole of his care team, this) or the fact that I do not dispute what many autistic adults have told me, they stop talking about it. I also find it humorous that they do not appear to be frequent readers of my personal blog (I have a tracker, but it’s not specifically for that purpose), instead choosing to block me on Tumblr and gloat about it… when I only use Tumblr because friends of mine have accounts there. I reblog a few things in the morning, read individual Tumblr accounts of friends of mine who regularly write, but I seldom compose blog posts in there. But this is why fandom stays online for me.
As most of you already know, I was put on prednisone because of breathing difficulties. We’ve tried to lower the dose and make it less frequent over the… months and years that it has become increasingly more problematic, but for me it seems like the side effects have drastically been outweighing the good things that it does for me to the tune of reconsidering whether or not prednisone is a viable medication for me to take.
Well, in spite of using mouthwash one to two times a day and brushing twice a day, I managed to get a sudden gum and jaw infection. As it became increasingly more uncomfortable, I began drinking soda and water from straws and sticking to softer foods like chicken noodle soup and ramen (that Bub doesn’t lovingly steal from me because now he loves ramen). Because it came on within a day and a half of starting prednisone once again for something that was very necessary, it was — as it should have been — attributed to prednisone. So now I am on two antibiotics meant to make it go away and fast so that I can resume eating more normally and so the infection doesn’t, well, spread. You know, since I’m immunosuppressed…
At any rate, I also learned something else: that people have read my blog well enough to know that Bub is on Mirtazapine at night to help him sleep (which it does a beautiful job of, by the way, since he was clinically diagnosed with insomnia at age two), and Risperdal during the day to help decrease the violence of meltdowns and to stabilize his mood (and that works really well given where he was at when all of this… escalated to the point that he needed medication, which quite likely could have been kick-started by adolescence). Apparently they have some opinions on this, claiming that I “drug my kid(s)”. And although it’s kind of adorable that they read through my blog well enough to figure out that he’s on two different necessary medications prescribed by his care team, what would they rather me have him do? Be miserable because he can’t sleep? Cry because he can’t sleep? Quickly, and wildly, oscillate between moods and have meltdowns that hurt people? It sure seems fun for people to point fingers about how I supposedly “drug my kid(s)” when these are both medications recommended and prescribed by his care team, consensually taken by him every morning and evening. Sadly, this goes right back to the fact that even in 2022 (which has just barely started and already, people are wilding out for no good reason), people continue to medication shame and pill shame, which does nothing to support those with mental health illnesses… least of all actual kids.
If you’re jealous that Bub is clearly living his best life over here, by all means, just admit to being jealous.