17
Sep
2022

If you flash memes one time on purpose I’m now out.

categories: personal; word count: 231 words

Me for four days: I wish I could sleep easily. It’s hard to go to sleep.
Me on the fifth day: zzz

That went well.

Anyway, I am one Discord server down (the order of these surprised me, like I didn’t expect this one to be first… but I’m going to hold grudges if people are going to post flashers in main chat knowing that epileptic people are actively chatting and trying to participate, and that’s just the top of the list for me). I’m getting used to the pace of the Discord server that I’d been invited to, that I thought might be a bit overwhelming for me at first, but not throwing myself into it seems to be helping. I try only to update people on seizures once I am well into the postical period of them or if that has passed because I don’t want people to unnecessarily worry about me… I mean, unless they caused what happened and should. But I’ve been man down for a few days, so to speak. I’m having migraines that are completely refractory to my standard medication, which sometimes happens. It is what it is and I’m getting over it because I have to get over it to keep going on

Still, I don’t care how much you claim to dislike a person, doing something to risk a seizure is not alright.

16
Sep
2022

Does it bother you that I don’t want to be friends?

categories: personal; word count: 313 words

Every time I get an invite to a Discord channel created and ran by some of the people that I grew up around, I wind up kicking myself if I decide to join their server (barring all of like… two exceptions right now, and I had wanted those to be the only two exceptions). When this pandemic finally becomes endemic I’m going to be available for chat a lot less than I have been, so it all might work out in the end. I mean, there was a reason that I uninstalled AOL after my youngest son was born and… just didn’t tell any of them, and why I went twelve years without being contacted by any of them until one of them managed to contact me on Facebook and then invited me to several of these servers. Although I do like some of them and don’t mind being back in touch with some of them, the same can not be said for the majority of them, and I find being on most of the servers that have spawned from this uncomfortable. I’ve always been really good at keeping my Internet life separate from my… real life, although a lot of that might owe to where I live (and might change if, or when, I ever move out of this area). These people are leading the charge that screws themselves over in this.

I’ve been transparent about this since I began being added to invite lists for these servers because I used to use AOL, though. A lot of you make me uncomfortable. No, I can’t get past that to become your friend. Please stop inviting me to “reunion” servers (I’m fine with the two that I’ve been a member of for… a little while now, and they should know who they are if any of their members read this post). I’m uncomfortable.

15
Sep
2022

I hate being infantilized when I disclose autism.

categories: personal; word count: 273 words

The title is the biggest banger of all in this post and should pretty much say everything.

What about autism makes people think that it’s a child’s disorder, that only children can have it? These children inevitably do grow up and become adults. More and more adults are getting diagnosed autistic because they have children or family members who are or have (and sometimes significant others who go “hey, I see a lot of myself in you, maybe you’re…”). If I want accommodations, or for people to understand how I am the way I am, it’s best for me to disclose that I am autistic. But if I disclose that I am autistic, some people treat me like I am inferior to them, like I know less than them, or like I’m a child when I am not. They act like I have greater access needs and barriers than I do, and sometimes they do these things in really obvious ways which frustrates me if not infuriates me depending on how they do it. It’s just really frustrating.

Like… don’t get me wrong. I’ve always wondered why my mind seemed to operate differently from that of those around me, so to be diagnosed autistic did not come as a surprise to me at all. Some of my friends who are autistic adults actually told me that they knew I would be diagnosed autistic before I was actually diagnosed on paper. But it seems like adults who aren’t autistic don’t always treat autistic adults with the respect that they deserve as human beings, and that’s got to go before 2030, I swear. I’m that impatient.

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