So many people that I’ve known and spoken with about this had convinced themselves that my oldest son’s father died as the result of a fractured skull, head trauma, broken neck… the whole nine that had to do with everything above his collarbones. And although I didn’t rule out those as possibilities of things contributing to his death, I’ve taken to this with as open of a mind as you can have about a situation that you don’t even want to think about… and for my own peace of mind, I wanted to know how he died so that I had the peace of mind knowing that he didn’t suffer. I also wanted to be able to answer any questions that our son might ever at any point ask and be as honest and truthful as possible, because he behaves and thinks like me. He wants to know, know, know. Talking to one of his aunts on the phone gave me the insight I needed into that.

His head and neck looked fine when she had to identify his body. She was told by the coroner that there was significant damage to his chest and torso as a result of the accident, and that in particular there was severe damage to his chest. The way it was told to me, I’m now speculating that what killed him had to do with his heart, especially if it happened in the matter of seconds that his death certificate states would have taken until he’d actually passed away. Even one second in the agonizing pain that an injury like that could have caused would be one second too long for me, but I’m even more reassured knowing that he didn’t linger…

I can only continue to hold out hope that his descent into unconsciousness was swift so he didn’t suffer.