Archive of ‘personal’ category

Hexennacht passed. I wanted to mention this.

I know I’ve mentioned this, but this holiday pays homage to those who were victimized by superstition.

Bub’s father and his grandmother on that side of the family attempted to coerce me into converting to Catholicism, even going so far as to rush me into filling out forms for RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults). I was never once asked how I felt about religion, or their religion. Not once was I asked if I even wanted to convert to their religion. To this day, I still remember something that Bub’s paternal grandmother said to me — “everyone has their own journey to God”, or something to that effect. No, you just expected me to roll over and die, to convert to your family’s religion because it was your family’s religion because you were going to use it as the battering ram to control me, then you were going to use it as the means to shotgun wed me to your son to “erase the sin of our child being born out of wedlock”, and then you expected me to have child after child that I did not want because your religion forbade contraception. And when I died, as I would have due to the health concerns that I had that would have caused pregnancy to imperil me, “it would have been God’s will”, because all you would have seen me as would have been your son’s incubator.

Not once was I asked if I even wanted to attend the Masses and church functions that I was literally drug to.

I told your son that I did not want to attend these things, that I did not want to convert, and look where that got me. Look exactly how far that got me, until I outed myself to your (deacon? priest? pastor?), and the people that I needed to out myself to in order to extricate myself from the whole situation. I shouldn’t have needed to go nuclear to be treated with a modicum of decent human respect, and I should have been asked about these things long before it got to that point. I was victimized by everything that led up to that point…

Not exactly what I wanted to do out of the gate, but…

So it seems to be set in stone that my insurance is going to continue to deny my pain clinic’s Botox request.

So the doctor that’s been managing my case decided to get an X-ray off of me to see if he could lobby my insurance with it and that I should receive steroid shots to the neck instead. I suppose I’ll be finding out about that soon, whether it’s by a letter sent in the mail letting me know that my doctor’s request was denied, or… I don’t know what. If I can’t have Botox treatments done, I suppose that steroid shots to the neck might be the next best thing. But knowing the luck I’ve had lately, insurance might try to deny that as well.

At the end of the day, I don’t really care as long as it ameliorates migraine pain or makes it more manageable, even if that treatment may have side effects. Right now, I’m reduced to wearing prescription sunglasses in the house to try and make migraine pain… less than, if that makes sense, and that makes navigating around my house a bit tricky. I do what I have to do to get through the day in general, though.

I stand corrected. I completely stand corrected.

I got the results of my blood work back, and in a twist that is going to surprise everyone that has anything to do with my care… I do not have diabetes. At all. My fasting blood sugar was 86, and my A1C actually dropped from 5.8 to 5.5. The only thing that was outside of normal bounds was my good cholesterol, which was four points from being within normal bounds. My bad cholesterol was within the acceptable range, though. So that kind of makes you think… if one’s good cholesterol is a bit too low, shouldn’t you expect your bad cholesterol to be a bit too high? Except that wasn’t the case here. But I suppose my doctor can explain it.

Now that I don’t have diabetes, we need to figure out what is causing these wounds, because something has to be. I’ve had the worst one for going on a month and a week now. You don’t just get wounds like these for no reason. Google hasn’t been particularly helpful, either. It keeps telling me that the most likely cause of these wounds is uncontrolled diabetes, and I don’t even have diabetes, which throws that out the window.

I figured that I would post about this in here.

It’s been nearly two years since my mom died from complications of cancer.

I’ve written about why we didn’t have a relationship at the end of her life in here, and I continue to feel the same way. The only difference, which is a good thing, is the fact that I no longer clearly remember having a mother. In a way it’s like she was never “around” to begin with due to how much I’ve actually forgotten about her. I did mention in here that my end goal was to completely forget about her, and I feel like I’m really making progress toward that goal. Whenever I see pictures of her on Facebook or from TimeHop, I look at them and have the most difficult time even placing when they happened because I just don’t remember it.

I’ve continued to get rid of things that she got me whenever I see them in my room or around the house.

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