February 2021 archive

07
Feb
2021

Did they finally actually fix this? Or…

categories: computer gaming, television shows; word count: 404 words

So I’ve begun playing Ragnarok Online again, and… I found a server where you can actually instruct your Homunculus (alchemist’s… special pet) to attack with AI. This makes me unbelievably happy, because a lot of the alchemist’s appeal for me comes in the fact that it has a specialized pet that can be “trained” to attack, helping you get base XP. Once I get my Homunculus, aptly named after Bub, to base level thirty or so, it can probably comfortably take on Orcs in the Orc Dungeon from the sound of things, and I can sit there and watch him do so because I’m not comfortable with the idea of AFKmisting even if certain servers allow it. Plus, if it needs to be fed or actually dies, I do need to stand up in-game and do something about that.

I’m not sure if this was a fix orchestrated by the owners of the server or if Gravity actually relented when it came to allowing alchemists to use AI to instruct their Homunculus to automatically attack surrounding monsters, but it does make me happy. Someone was nice enough to help me level my acolyte up to priest and my merchant up to alchemist, and I may make a mage and soul linker in the future. I’m not sure whether I want my mage to become a wizard or sage, but I do know that my TaeKwon Girl will become a soul linker as soon as I can get her there. I may also make a magic-proficient ninja for kicks because, well, why not…

In other news, I also did exactly what I had been saying that I would do and only watched the part of the series finale of Supernatural where Sam and Dean were reunited with each other in Heaven. I seriously told people that I was not going to watch the absolute disaster that was the series, let alone season, finale on Netflix, and I meant it. Watching it on my computer allowed me to fast forward to that point without there being the same glitches that manifested themselves when trying to watch it on my phone. Now I have to decide whether I want to watch Lucifer or The Walking Dead. I am going to try to stay away from the CW.

Like I’ve mentioned, I am here for the Supernatural fandom, but no longer for the show if that makes sense.

06
Feb
2021

My history with anxiety to diagnosis.

categories: personal; word count: 374 words

Since I had done a post about my depression, I figured… well, why not add this in as well?

This seemed to be something that was exacerbated by being pregnant, although I think I’ve always had some degree of anxiety beyond what normal people feel in certain situations. When I contacted my primary care physician and explained to him how the 20mg of nortryptline that I had been put on was alleviating symptoms of depression, I added anxiety in there as well. I figured that if I was going to medicate one of them, I should medicate both of them… and as it turned out, nortryptline at a higher dose than what my neurologist had prescribed me could be used to alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression. In my mind, unchecked, what can go wrong “does” or “should” go wrong, if any of that makes sense. Prior to beginning treatment for anxiety and depression, I always braced myself for the idea of what could go wrong actually going wrong, even though my mind knew that me doing this was beyond how most people normally… deal with things. At around the time that I got sick of having a chronically low mood and lack of desire to participate in hobbies and interests, I got sick of the anxiety and the hypervigilance. I wanted a change.

Until I began taking medication for it, though, I didn’t quite realize how much anxiety had taken over my life, and how the… decrease in anxiety (does any of this make sense? I hope it does) freed up parts of my brain that could be used on other things, or for other pursuits. It was like it became a part of my personality, one that I didn’t want other people to know about if I could avoid it, but one that crept out enough to the point that people close to me could guess or were aware that I had anxiety. I’m glad to have admitted that I have it, that it is a part of me, and am seeking appropriate treatment for it in the form of taking daily medication.

At some point in time, probably earlier on in my life, anxiety actually became a facet of my personality.

05
Feb
2021

Holy shit, folks… this thing is seriously that fast.

categories: computer gaming, personal, television shows; word count: 370 words

You know that laptop that I mentioned? The one whose letter i I would have to replace?

I’m pretty sure that I mentioned it here, because (your) god only knows how many struggles I had with it.

Well, as it turned out, the entire keyboard was going out… and it was soldered on the bottom of the computer, beneath everything important, which meant that opening it up to replace the keyboard would have been dicey, and then you would have had to put everything back together on top of the keyboard and hope that you did everything right. When taking into consideration the fact that this one make and model of computer had like… between three and six different keyboards, and no one knew if they were cross-compatible with each other, I decided that the best thing to do would be to get a refund on the laptop since I would have kept it if the keyboard had worked. It was a bit of a shame because of the hard drive size and the price that I paid for it, but by paying a little extra on top of the refund that I got from that computer, I was able to get what some people like to call “a gaming rig”. The hard drive size was smaller, but the processor is extremely fast, and it can take up to a whopping 64GB of DDR4 RAM. I’m not actually sure whether I will max it out in the coming months or years because it already runs fast, but I do have one 16GB stick of DDR4 RAM that was taken out of one of the computers over the years that I might put in the empty bay in this…

I’ve also decided that I’m not going to watch the formal series finale of Supernatural at all. I tried to fast-forward to the end of the episode where Dean and Sam are reunited with each other in Heaven, but for some reason Netflix would not let me do that, so it is what it is. That episode is trash though and I’m not going to bother with it. Dean still deserved so much better than what the producers and writers gave him.

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