Wordless Wednesday: February 10th, 2021
categories: personal; word count: 0 words
I’m choosing not to watch the Walker remake.
categories: television shows; word count: 230 words
Although some of my posts in here might have made it a bit obvious, I am no longer watching the CW. Along with this comes my conscious decision not to watch the Walker remake. Not only does the CW continue to be problematic in extremely obvious, and bad, ways, I’ve been doing some research on Jared Padalecki himself and do not like what I am finding out. For instance, during a Supernatural convention, he insisted on making an actual rape joke in front of an audience. Jensen tried to talk him out of actually saying it, but he insisted, trying to cover up how bad the joke was — it was about chloroform — claiming that his sense of humor was… bad like that. Honestly, I have no other words to say, nothing else about that. Additionally, he poured $600 of coins into then-fellow actor Misha Collins’ car, rendering the seatbelts unusable, which was extremely bad given that he drove his children (child, at the time) places in the vehicle. And he messed with the bike rack on Misha’s vehicle, which could actually have killed someone if it fell off while Misha was driving. Misha had to sit Jared down and tell him this. Jared obviously did not think this prank through at all.
These things are not pranks. These things are Jared making life miserable for people. It is what it is.
Music Monday: February 8th, 2021
categories: music; word count: 18 words
I’ve loved FinKL since I was a teenager, so this really should not be any surprise to anyone.
Did they finally actually fix this? Or…
categories: computer gaming, television shows; word count: 404 words
So I’ve begun playing Ragnarok Online again, and… I found a server where you can actually instruct your Homunculus (alchemist’s… special pet) to attack with AI. This makes me unbelievably happy, because a lot of the alchemist’s appeal for me comes in the fact that it has a specialized pet that can be “trained” to attack, helping you get base XP. Once I get my Homunculus, aptly named after Bub, to base level thirty or so, it can probably comfortably take on Orcs in the Orc Dungeon from the sound of things, and I can sit there and watch him do so because I’m not comfortable with the idea of AFKmisting even if certain servers allow it. Plus, if it needs to be fed or actually dies, I do need to stand up in-game and do something about that.
I’m not sure if this was a fix orchestrated by the owners of the server or if Gravity actually relented when it came to allowing alchemists to use AI to instruct their Homunculus to automatically attack surrounding monsters, but it does make me happy. Someone was nice enough to help me level my acolyte up to priest and my merchant up to alchemist, and I may make a mage and soul linker in the future. I’m not sure whether I want my mage to become a wizard or sage, but I do know that my TaeKwon Girl will become a soul linker as soon as I can get her there. I may also make a magic-proficient ninja for kicks because, well, why not…
In other news, I also did exactly what I had been saying that I would do and only watched the part of the series finale of Supernatural where Sam and Dean were reunited with each other in Heaven. I seriously told people that I was not going to watch the absolute disaster that was the series, let alone season, finale on Netflix, and I meant it. Watching it on my computer allowed me to fast forward to that point without there being the same glitches that manifested themselves when trying to watch it on my phone. Now I have to decide whether I want to watch Lucifer or The Walking Dead. I am going to try to stay away from the CW.
Like I’ve mentioned, I am here for the Supernatural fandom, but no longer for the show if that makes sense.
My history with anxiety to diagnosis.
categories: personal; word count: 374 words
Since I had done a post about my depression, I figured… well, why not add this in as well?
This seemed to be something that was exacerbated by being pregnant, although I think I’ve always had some degree of anxiety beyond what normal people feel in certain situations. When I contacted my primary care physician and explained to him how the 20mg of nortryptline that I had been put on was alleviating symptoms of depression, I added anxiety in there as well. I figured that if I was going to medicate one of them, I should medicate both of them… and as it turned out, nortryptline at a higher dose than what my neurologist had prescribed me could be used to alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression. In my mind, unchecked, what can go wrong “does” or “should” go wrong, if any of that makes sense. Prior to beginning treatment for anxiety and depression, I always braced myself for the idea of what could go wrong actually going wrong, even though my mind knew that me doing this was beyond how most people normally… deal with things. At around the time that I got sick of having a chronically low mood and lack of desire to participate in hobbies and interests, I got sick of the anxiety and the hypervigilance. I wanted a change.
Until I began taking medication for it, though, I didn’t quite realize how much anxiety had taken over my life, and how the… decrease in anxiety (does any of this make sense? I hope it does) freed up parts of my brain that could be used on other things, or for other pursuits. It was like it became a part of my personality, one that I didn’t want other people to know about if I could avoid it, but one that crept out enough to the point that people close to me could guess or were aware that I had anxiety. I’m glad to have admitted that I have it, that it is a part of me, and am seeking appropriate treatment for it in the form of taking daily medication.
At some point in time, probably earlier on in my life, anxiety actually became a facet of my personality.