Told you all that I’m practically addicted to Jensen Ackles’ music. Some of you did not actually believe me.
Music Monday: December 21st, 2020
categories: music; word count: 19 words
I should have done this awhile ago…
categories: personal; word count: 406 words
For the most part, I’ve transferred my neurological care from the neurologist that I was seeing one town over to the local pain management clinic here in my city. My primary care doctor was, and has been, in full support of this and thinks that it was (is? how do I phrase this?) the right thing to do. We discussed Botox when I was seen for the first time, which I am amenable to attempting… we just need to get insurance approval for it, or know that insurance denied the clinic’s attempt to seek approval for it from me so that we can appeal the denial. So far, no one relevant has heard anything back about whether it was denied or approved… so I guess that’s a waiting game, and we’ll see when we see. In the interim, and to have it on hand in the event that I need it, I’ve been prescribed Fioricet again, and we are currently working on getting me the highest dose and frequency of that medication which works, but not go beyond that unless we have to so that I don’t inure to it the same way triptans do in that they no longer work on me at all. “Fioricet is love, Fioricet is life” has become one of my biggest inside jokes, because to be honest, it works decently…
For me, for someone who very often doesn’t get a lot of pain relief other than by waiting it out, this is huge.
I also found out that I am on nearly the largest dose of Gabapentin. That is 3,000mg, and I am currently on 2,700mg. I’m also not sure if I’ve mentioned it here, but I’ve begun to develop peripheral neuropathy on my left side due to it… but as long as it helps migraines, which it does, I am reluctant to give that up unless I am made to give that up. The only major downside to this is that I am left-side dominant. My left ring finger, left pinkie finger, and the area going downward from that to my elbow is numb now. I also can’t bear weight on or with my left hand. But like I’ve said, if it makes a sizable dent in the pain, I am willing to live with all that.
The back of my left foot is also numb, which means that I have to be careful walking, but… see above, heh.
This song is nice, but the finale still sucked.
categories: music; word count: 217 words
Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high
Though my eyes could see, I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think, I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I’m dreaming
I can hear them say
Carry on, my wayward son
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more
Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man
It surely means that I don’t know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about, I’m like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say
Carry on my wayward son
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more, no
Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life’s no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you
Carry on, my wayward son
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry, don’t you cry no more
I can’t believe that I haven’t mentioned this.
categories: television shows; word count: 200 words
One of the reasons that I see myself so readily in Dean Winchester, and one of the reasons that he is my favorite Winchester brother and one of my all-time favorite characters in the show, is because I can see why someone might get it into their head “oh, I’ll die young anyway”. Some of my disabilities come with the price tag of a possibly shortened life because they are ones that I could actually die of. For the longest time, I used to joke off-handedly about that, and I had “made my peace” with a shortened lifespan. In very large part, Dean Winchester’s character changed that for me, and I decided that I wanted to live as long as I possibly could. In doing so, I didn’t want to actively worry about potentially having a shortened lifespan. And then Dean, who always said that he knew that he would die on the job or during a hunt, does exactly that… owing to a very rookie mistake and Sam’s refusal to summon aid for him, which could have saved his life had he done so. Our lives, no matter what we struggle with, are worth living. Shame Andrew Dabb disagrees…