30
Jan
2021

My history with depression to diagnosis.

categories: personal; word count: 423 words

To delineate before I get further into this, I did not experience postpartum depression with either pregnancy.

It can be safe to say that my body did not, and does not, like even the idea of being pregnant… and although I would not trade either of my sons for the world, my body’s abhorrence at pregnancy goes beyond the normal difficulties that someone who is or can get pregnant might face. In my case, depression was more subtle and did manage to sneak up on me before I knew for a fact that it was actually depression. After my youngest son’s birth, I found myself participating less in activities that I normally would, such as hobbies and interests. This was even when I could do so or would have had the time to do so. I kept making excuses about how busy I was, having two young children and all, but my difficulty engaging in these hobbies and interests even after both boys had gone to bed for the night continued to grow in intensity until I was nearly always making excuses not to do the things that I formerly enjoyed and had quite a long history of liking.

This was the primary symptom for me, as well as not really having any “high moods” to speak of.

When my old neurologist put me on 20mg nortryptline to see if that would help with my migraines, it had a positive effect on my anxiety levels and my mood. I made an appointment to be seen by my primary care physician to discuss this with him and have him rave him raise the dose, which he did to 50mg and then at my request to 100mg. I will actually be trying the 100mg the next time I can fill for this med. Taking this medication, I’ve been less anxious, and my moods have generally been markedly more positive than they were rather than “flat”. In addition, I have been able to sleep better than I was. I’ve also begun to want to resume participation in hobbies and interests of mine, particularly once the kids are in bed for the night and I can have some “me time”. I don’t see a problem with depression or being candid about it, and I do wish that there weren’t this stigma around mood disorders or accessing care for them. In the United States alone, it’s still an extremely bad thing in certain circles (“you can just tough it out, you should just tough it out”, so on).

29
Jan
2021

When your religion tests the limits of my nose.

categories: personal; word count: 293 words

I don’t mind who practices what (even Satanism!) as long as they do not aggressively try to evangelize or proselytize to my children or me. You are free to practice how you want as long as you leave my children and me out of it — I’ve even saved you, the “in general theist who might do this” you, the trouble of claiming, “But you’re a Satanist! So you have to be raising your children to be little Satanists!” by stating that I have not introduced any form of religion to them, not even my own, and that I do not intend to do so for as long as they are minors under my care.e The more I think about that, the less comfortable I am with the idea of it.

You may have the right to free speech, as they say, but that doesn’t mean that I have to abide by what you say, like what you say, or continue to subject myself to what you say no matter how many souls you claim you want to net — convert — to Jesus. The more aggressive or rude about this you are to me, the less likely I am to even entertain the notion of your claims, and the more likely I will want to distance myself from you. This does not matter who you are, although my friends are respectful enough regarding any differences in our religious ideologies not to try to “net one, two, or three for Jesus” or to push their religious ideologies and worldviews on me unless I’ve explicitly asked them something about those ideologies and worldviews and make it clear that I consent to them doing so. You don’t get any points here being loud about this or violent.

28
Jan
2021

Well, that didn’t work out quite as intended…

categories: side scrollers; word count: 234 words

Apparently suddenly going “no poo” (no shampoo) was too much for my hair all at once, so now I am attempting to come to the same end by washing my hair with it less and less frequently. I’ve read that this can be helpful for individuals who produce a lot of oil or sebum on their scalp, and it would seem that I am one of those people when I suddenly stop washing my hair with shampoo. I still have the same end goal.

In my spare time, though, I’ve been playing Among Us. As it turns out, I am a great crewmate because I’ve memorized the map that I play the most on and can easily run in a circle around the map completing the tasks that I am assigned. And I wouldn’t say that I was the worst Impostor in the world although I know that there is definitely room for improvement. So far, in the games where I have been an Impostor and there is more than one, my fellow Impostor gets voted out fairly early in the game and I’m stuck trying to isolate players to kill them all on my own. All things considered though, it is a catchy game and I like it a whole lot.

Bub also likes playing it with me a lot of the time although I’m the “hands on deck”, which is a plus.

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