I’ll probably get to why I intentionally chose this song in a blog post made later on this week (I’m hoping so).
This is just absolutely devastating news.
I was going to write a post about something else in here, but right as I pulled WordPress up to start writing I saw the GoFundMe for Kuma Crafts (Amanda Manarin) come across my phone through the Instagram app.
I’m devastated by her loss.
I actually own a few pieces of her jewelry, the Eternal Sailormoon brooch necklace and Sailorjupiter star necklace that were gifted to me because of when my kids’ birthdays are — Bub’s birthday is on June 30th (Sailormoon’s birthday), and Monster’s birthday is really close to Sailorjupiter’s. The necklaces are kept in a nice, safe place in my room along with the other necklaces that I’ve managed to collect over the years. When her shop opened back up in 2022 (which never happened because of… you know, her passing), I intended on adding several more pieces of her jewelry to my Christmas wish list since that seems to be an easier thing for people to shop for when it comes to me. Still though, I am thankful to have the necklaces that I do have.
I don’t think I’ve posted this picture here yet, so…

This is my face on this child in what may actually very well be the most Bub has ever looked like me.
I’m feeling better than I was at this time yesterday!
Although I’m continuing to have to take pain medication in addition to having the lidocaine and steroid shot to the back of my head that I did (whose name I will eventually, for the life of me, remember… I know it’s the one that begins with dex), I’m not quite as miserable as I was leading up to yesterday… or after I got the actual shot when it didn’t almost immediately take away the majority of the pain like it usually does right then. I think I’m going to stick with the lidocaine and steroid shots for as long as they are useful, conceding the fact that they have begun to grow… less useful over time, although the RFA (radiofrequency ablation, “the probes”) seems like it’s more of a miss than a hit to me, and especially not a direct hit unless you hilariously count one of my nerves being nicked by the needle in the process of numbing. That really hurt!
Fioricet is also beginning to work less than it was, or less than it had been, so I know that I’m starting to round the corner on that medication. And that’s a damn shame, because for awhile it worked phenomenally when needed. Now it just… doesn’t. So that’s one less useful medication for me. And I’m not even going to begin to think about the possibility of using opioids right now because we’re still in the War Against Pain Patients, even when the patient’s history of having tried everything under the sun is conveyed over the course of years of her medical records. I mean, what other options are there out there? Other than one of the most obvious ones if not the most obvious one, which is “this pain is never going to become well-managed”.
Sigh.