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Please know what games your children play.

I can’t begin to tell you (or, more literally, write about) how many times I’ve encountered a parent who “doesn’t really know what their kids play,” even though in most cases they’re the one who’s bought the game for them. Most of the oversight is because they’re too busy working, so they buy whatever game their kid asks for, so I can kind of see why this happens… even though I wish that wouldn’t. I wish that more parents could, or would, take the time out to do at least a little bit more research into the games that their children own, especially the ones that they are actively playing, particularly the ones that involve online play — I’ve actually surprised parents by telling them that online play is not rated as interactions can not be controlled, only punished after the fact if someone breaks a rule in an online game, is reported, and is actually punished for breaking that rule. They seemed to think that online play was encompassed by the game’s ESRB rating.

Good things to do to get a feel for games for your child:
· check out the ESRB rating, of course, as this gives you a general idea
· Google the game and read the summary, as this helps even better
(as you can get a feel for whether or not a game is appropriate for your child if you have not bought it yet)
· read the back of the game if your child already owns it for a synopsis
· Go to Amazon and read the reviews for the game (this is where you’ll find the most honest assessments)
· ask gamer friends if you have any for critiques on the game
· know which games require online interaction and Google how that tends to go

Hopefully some of these tips can help, as not many of them take a whole lot of time!

The “forced microphone” policy.

Whenever games allow you to use the microphone, Bub and I opt out of this without fail. We also tend to mute the mic on games that allow us to do this. But whenever games force you to use the microphone and listen in on others’ conversations and there is no way to prevent this, even if this game is otherwise the best game, this is a game that we take a hard pass on. And we have to do this because Bub has to be protected.

Bub’s vocal inflections let everyone know that he is disabled, and this is something that he can not hide. It would then make me make the incredibly hard choice of not playing the game with him so that people on the other end of the game did not hear his vocal inflections, or having him play alongside me and risking being asked inappropriate questions about him (“is he retarded?”, “is your son retarded?”), or making fun of him for the way he sounds. So I would either play the game that I had bought him without him to protect him, which would exclude him, or I would run the risk of Bub being bullied and made fun of by attempting to include him if a bully is on the other end of the mic. So the easiest way to solve both of these problems is: don’t buy games that force you to use the microphone. Research the game, find that out, make that decision. Done.

The only way that we work around this is if you can choose who you party, or team, up with. If I can select friends of mine who I trust to play the game with, that’s different. That makes the game playable. But if it’s a random distribution of players and there is forced mic use, I don’t purchase the game and we don’t play it.

I wish more game developers took this into consideration, because I am sure that Bub isn’t the only person that something like this applies to. I am sure that there are many other disabled individuals out there who have to stay completely silent on the mic during games like this in fear that they will be bullied if if they speak. There may be individuals who have severe social anxiety for whom forced mic use petrifies them, and this may apply to them too. There are aspects of gaming culture that need improvement. This is one of them.

Another thing worth getting into.

I have actually encountered individuals who have stated that they “don’t want to have children because it would cut into their gaming time,” and the level of absurdity that it must take to make a statement like that and then proceed to follow through on it continues to perplex me to this day. It boggles my mind to the point that I actually wanted to come here and make a blog post about it, because there are actually people out there — for some reason, more males than females — who actually think like this. They are so… engrossed, and involved in gaming as a hobby that they absolutely do not want to have any children, because then they would have to step away from gaming, whether it be the console or the keyboard, to provide some level of care for these children. (Although I’m still not sure if this is better than those men out there who game and let their girlfriends or wives tend to the children while they spend hours at a time gaming. I mean, there’s also that to take into consideration, because that is a scenario that actually happens “after the fact”, as it were.)

For instance, I’ve actually had it said to me that I “shouldn’t have had children” (what?!) “because I’m such a good gamer that they take away from that” (are you serious?!), or “that it’s good that I stopped at two” (are you the arbiter of my childbearing decisions, seriously) “because any more would make it even more difficult for me to game” (no, seriously, do you hear the words coming out of your mouth). Some men that I have dated in the past have also stated that they “don’t want to have any children of their own with me” (good, because whether you like it or not, I’m stopping at two), “because that would make it even harder to game” (again, do you even hear the words coming out of your mouth). And these are actually worse than the ones that I’ve encountered in the past who have wanted me to have children of “their” own, who “don’t understand why I had kids with the men that I did, but won’t have any other children”… I mean, between my disabilities, my health conditions, and my own wants, you should have gotten in line sooner or considered finding someone else when you were in a relationship with me. I know what I want and I am not budging.

But seriously, it’s foolish to “decide not to have kids” because you want maximal gaming time.

To decide that you don’t want to have any children, or any more children than you already have, is one thing. It’s a respectable thing. But to decide that you don’t want any children at all because they take away from your gaming time is incredibly foolish… and it speaks volumes about you as a person that should be spoken.

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