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The Valium is a game changer, I swear to god.

Since the boys’ developmental pediatrician is retiring at the end of the year, Bub has been transferred into the child psychiatry unit at the hospital that his developmental pediatrician will have worked at for a very long time. He’s already met them and is being prescribed the prescriptions that he’s been taking (guanfacine, Risperidone, Valium as needed) through them, which is one less thing that I have to worry about! With any luck the dentist the boys have been seeing for… well, forever, will be able to put sealants on Bub’s molars after he’s been sedated with Valium. We can do haircuts now. He can get immunizations at the pharmacy.

These medications have been an absolute game changer for him and I am exceedingly thankful for them.

I was today years old when I found all of this out.

I found out that the morgue that my oldest son’s “father” was at tried as hard as they could to make contact with me because he had somewhat recently placed my name in his medical record as a “person of contact”… like if something happened to him or something. He knew that he was supposed to go through my parents if he needed to make any sort of contact with me after the restraining order was granted, and this was well after it was granted. This wasn’t that long before his death, as a matter of fact. So I’m speculating that this was just another way for him to attempt to defy the restraining order, because he definitely knew that it had been granted. I was also told that no members of his family, aside from the sister who identified him when she had to come to the morgue to identify their father, were willing to identify him or claim his body, so I’m also guessing that I was the “last choice” for this because no one in his family was actually willing to do it. I wasn’t about to put my sixteen-year-old son (now seventeen), in this position when he never even knew his “father” in the first place, and I’m guessing that it took so long for any contact to be made because his Social Security Number had to begin registering as deceased in my son’s records since the death was out of state. It still bothers me that he had even done this in the first place though, as I wish he hadn’t, even if he had only “done so” to make it easier for me to find out if something did happen to him (as even that still managed to take three months). And it’s things like exactly this that make me wonder if it was actually an accident at all.

Maybe it was the last way he could think of to hurt me and my son, even though I’ll never tell my son this.

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