January 2022 archive

Self-diagnosis is just as valid as formal diagnosis.

Not too long ago, someone decided to go through my Tweets on Twitter (why do you do this to people you claim not to like? I only read what you have to say because you insist on mercilessly doing it to my friends, screenshotting everything they say that you may not like… I’m surprised no one really turned the tables sooner) and feign offense to me making reference to being autistic. Professionals in the field have repeatedly stressed that self-diagnosis — or in my case, diagnosis by way of Internet and many autistic adults repeatedly telling me that they are sure I am autistic — is valid, because there are many barriers to adult diagnosis and diagnosis in general that might make it so someone never formally pursues a diagnosis. In my case, I feel that I don’t need additional accommodations or supports for being autistic that I can’t already give myself, and I do not reject the opinions of the many autistic adults that I have spoken with over the years that have told me that they see me as being autistic as well. This has been something that has gone on for years, which the person who feigned offense at one particular mention of it on my timeline would have known if they had gone through more of it, but I digress. Growing up, my mother — my primary caregiver because of the sort of work my dad did — was repeatedly told that I was neurodivergent, but among many other things, she refused to permit it to be worked up. Were it not for the fact that she literally neglected me as a child (I was fed and clothed, but not much else), I would have been formally diagnosed.

I find it amusing that when things these people — members of the Supernatural fandom, which is why all of this stays online — take alleged offense at (“she drugs her kids”, referenced in the post that I made about Bub’s medication regimen recommended by the whole of his care team, this) or the fact that I do not dispute what many autistic adults have told me, they stop talking about it. I also find it humorous that they do not appear to be frequent readers of my personal blog (I have a tracker, but it’s not specifically for that purpose), instead choosing to block me on Tumblr and gloat about it… when I only use Tumblr because friends of mine have accounts there. I reblog a few things in the morning, read individual Tumblr accounts of friends of mine who regularly write, but I seldom compose blog posts in there. But this is why fandom stays online for me.

And prednisone is still out here in these streets.

I’ve finished up one of the antibiotics which was for fungal infections and only lasted a few days. Now I have to finish up the other antibiotic, which runs the gamut lasting about as long as these things tend to last, and I have to finish up the low dose of prednisone that both of my doctors want me to end up on (followed by me never touching prednisone again unless it is an imminent, and I mean imminent, matter of life and death… and even then, assuming that I have any choice in the matter by way of having it charted in my medical files, I’m going to want something else first if I can be given something else). There actually seems to be some improvement with the gum and jaw infection that prednisone caused, although I need a lower dose of prednisone to cause the swelling on that side of my mouth to go down and stay down. But for some reason I’ve been having worse migraines since all of this started, even (especially) for me. Par for the course, eh?

At some point I’m going to need to post something up here about “Thasmin going canon” since I’ve been a fan of Doctor Who for quite awhile. It’s actually kind of surprising that I haven’t so far. I got into Doctor Who with the 2012 Christmas special and haven’t looked back. The fandom is also a lot less vitriolic than the Supernatural fandom, and if all fandoms were even remotely like this — I’m aware that most generally are with minimal “fandom drama”, but some of them are not — I might consider going to a convention or two, or at least think about it, but I honestly think that with things the way they are in general right now my best bet is to continue to keep all fandom activities on the Internet (even the good people that I’ve met through them) and not allow them access to my real life. As it is, my real life is markedly different from my “fandom life” anyway to the tune of the fact that I maintain separate social media accounts for fandom-related activities and real ones, excluding Facebook where I run filters on everything so that people I know in real life very infrequently cross paths with those who I know on the Internet, and at that, those who like varying degrees of the favorite things that I do. I may talk about liking Supernatural on my Facebook page, but I scarcely mention anything related to the fandom… or fandoms in general, so no, it’s not “just Supernatural” here.

Prednisone has claimed its 666th casualty here, y’all.

As most of you already know, I was put on prednisone because of breathing difficulties. We’ve tried to lower the dose and make it less frequent over the… months and years that it has become increasingly more problematic, but for me it seems like the side effects have drastically been outweighing the good things that it does for me to the tune of reconsidering whether or not prednisone is a viable medication for me to take.

Well, in spite of using mouthwash one to two times a day and brushing twice a day, I managed to get a sudden gum and jaw infection. As it became increasingly more uncomfortable, I began drinking soda and water from straws and sticking to softer foods like chicken noodle soup and ramen (that Bub doesn’t lovingly steal from me because now he loves ramen). Because it came on within a day and a half of starting prednisone once again for something that was very necessary, it was — as it should have been — attributed to prednisone. So now I am on two antibiotics meant to make it go away and fast so that I can resume eating more normally and so the infection doesn’t, well, spread. You know, since I’m immunosuppressed…

At any rate, I also learned something else: that people have read my blog well enough to know that Bub is on Mirtazapine at night to help him sleep (which it does a beautiful job of, by the way, since he was clinically diagnosed with insomnia at age two), and Risperdal during the day to help decrease the violence of meltdowns and to stabilize his mood (and that works really well given where he was at when all of this… escalated to the point that he needed medication, which quite likely could have been kick-started by adolescence). Apparently they have some opinions on this, claiming that I “drug my kid(s)”. And although it’s kind of adorable that they read through my blog well enough to figure out that he’s on two different necessary medications prescribed by his care team, what would they rather me have him do? Be miserable because he can’t sleep? Cry because he can’t sleep? Quickly, and wildly, oscillate between moods and have meltdowns that hurt people? It sure seems fun for people to point fingers about how I supposedly “drug my kid(s)” when these are both medications recommended and prescribed by his care team, consensually taken by him every morning and evening. Sadly, this goes right back to the fact that even in 2022 (which has just barely started and already, people are wilding out for no good reason), people continue to medication shame and pill shame, which does nothing to support those with mental health illnesses… least of all actual kids.

If you’re jealous that Bub is clearly living his best life over here, by all means, just admit to being jealous.

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