June 2021 archive

Going through my most recent entry in more detail.

I’ve begun to open my mind up more to the idea of living somewhere else, preferably in a roommate sort of situation so that things like rent and utilities could be shared. If something like that fell into my lap, I would give it some serious consideration if it were in the right state and there were easily accessible supports and services for disabled individuals. It would be even better if the area in question had a great public transit system or we just happened to live somewhere that allowed us to walk to meet the majority of our goals. Having a low crime rate would be ideal… something that’s lower than the average crime rate of our current location. If I can find something like that, or if — as stated — something falls into my lap, I would give it more consideration. Right now, I’m leaving all of my options open although I’ve made it increasingly clearer that I would not be comfortable inheriting my parents’ house. I don’t think it would be an ideal thing for any of us.

I would actually love to live in a city that I didn’t just plain have to feel apprehensive about.

Just giving things some more thought here, I guess.

Some people think that I’m looking a gift horse in the mouth when I say something like this, but I’ve given it a lot of thought and have decided that in an ideal situation (excepting potential or imminent homelessness), I would not like to inherit my parents’ house as they had previously planned. It’s actually something that I don’t want to do to the tune of feeling out other living situations should my dad pass at any point… and, I mean, he’s pushing seventy, so this is definitely something that I need to continue thinking about. Although it was suggested that I could inherit the house and get a roommate after my father died, I thought about that and realized that it would solve none of the problems that I continue to have with the idea of inheriting this.

One of my primary concerns is the crime rate of this city. It’s an anomaly in that it averages a score of between D to F on most crime aggregate sites, whereas the cities around it have much less crime. I’d like to live in a city that’s safer, and I’d like to raise my kids in a city that’s safer. When you question the safety of walking around the neighborhood without being covertly armed because of the crime rate in your city, that might be when you start to question continuing to live there. There’s also the fact that I do not want to continue to live in or raise my kids in a state with values so opposed to my own, being a lifelong leftist living in a Republican stronghold. If I can get out of that at any point, even if it is with the death of my last surviving parent, I would leap at the chance. This state hasn’t expanded Medicaid, either… that’s a problem.

In addition, I don’t have very many friends that continue to live in this area. Most, if not all, of them have moved. They might have moved for the same reasons that I’d like to. Maybe they moved for other reasons.

The only disability supports that are here in this state are ones that are federally mandated. That means a lot, because they dramatically improve the quality of life of those who are disabled. Talking with citizens of this state on the governor’s Facebook page has said a lot about what these citizens think of poor, disabled people… and that’s another thing that I’m growing increasingly more uncomfortable with. Disability does not equal being a burden. Needing, and accepting, help is not a bad thing. Your worth is not tied to your work.

There’s also the fact that everything costs a lot here, and that pales in comparison to the opportunities here.

There are so many reasons why I’d like not to inherit this house, and why I’d love to be able to move away.

I have fallen down the rabbit hole of tarot.

Truth be told, I’ve owned a tarot deck for the longest time. Our first tarot deck was gifted to me by a good friend, as he had joked that “I might need to have it on hand if (Bub’s paternal grandmother) shows back up on my doorstep”. I kept it around for sentimental reasons, and because it is a fully functional tarot deck.

The second deck that we acquired was one that I wanted us to have on hand to have a larger deck, and I managed to score one off of eBay for a considerable… dent in the normal asking price for that particular deck because I happened to find a seller that had taken a lot off of the normal asking price for it. Needless to say, I got us that tarot deck as soon as I saw that listing. That’s been the deck that we have generally used.

The third deck that we got, again, came from a friend. It was the official Supernatural Tarot deck.

I also got Bub a deck of his very own that is en route to us now because he continued to eye our decks.

Now I kind of want to begin making a bit of a habit out of collecting affordable oracle and tarot decks. I don’t know… there’s just something about them, and ritual Satanism, that draws me to them. I just like using them.

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