I had my first seizure in April of 2019 when my mother was still alive.

It woke me up from deep sleep, and I went through the whole aura, seizure, and postdrome.

Since this was my first seizure, I didn’t know what was going on and felt like I was dying. It lasted a few minutes, but my sense of time was heavily distorted — to me, it felt like absolutely forever. And symptoms of it left as quickly as it came on, although I felt exhausted at the end of it. For me, the aura often involves experiencing an intense feeling that does not quite match the situation, and the seizure itself feels like my brain is being shocked or an egg that is thrown against hot concrete to cook. I can vocalize during these, although the people that I have vocalized to have told me that I seem “off” having these conversations. I don’t want to vocalize while I’m having them though, not unless I have to, because it feels like I’m taxing the small part of my brain that is completely aware of what is going on. I can also do very basic things during some of my seizures, which perplexes me. Others, I have to wait until it passes. There is no rhyme or reason.

Sometimes I can go months without a seizure. Other times, I have multiple seizures in a month.

I also do not have any involuntary motor movement. However, I am known to hold my head with my hands and rest my elbows on my lap, and the quieter my surroundings are when they can help it, the better. Almost all of the time I still feel the peculiar emotion that was present during my aura, although by the end of the seizure my feelings have returned to normal. Being on Gabapentin for migraines has really helped me out.

Another feature of my seizures are racing thoughts, which also completely stop when the seizures stop.